I have been sidelined. In the last two weeks,  I have had two runs.  What started out as just one ear infected turned into two ears swollen shut.  After two doctor visits and two missed days of work, I am slowly on the mend.  Severe ear infections is something I have always thought was part of childhood.  But this last infection made the 4th double ear infection in a year's time for me.  In trying to get to the root of what may be causing this every few months I asked the doctor just that question.  His answer was shocking, almost absurd. Sweat. Yes, sweating while running. 

As I left my appointment and headed to the pharmacy for more meds my mind was still spinning with his answer.  I got out of the car and went in to the drug store.  Realizing I had forgotten something I headed back to the car.  My 12 year old, who sat in the car with the sitter, asked me, "Mom, how long do you have to keep that cotton in your ears?" With a harsh expression my response was unkind.  Could he not tell how bad I felt? Could he not see my mind trying to wrap around that my running could possibly be the culprit as to why the spree of ear infections? I mean, give me a break on how I appear!!! And then I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the drug store window.  Oh my!!! I looked like Shrek!!! Who knew so much cotton could hang from one's ears?  After getting my meds filled and getting back in the car, I jokingly said to my sitter, "Reckon all those folks in the drug store thought I needed a magician to remove the rabbits from my ears instead of all this medicine? I mean, do you think Peter is missing his tail?" And just like that the bad mood my sickness was causing lifted.  Leah, our sitter, could look at me and laugh.  I think she had been dying to tell me about all the cotton, but she just could not look at me and keep a straight face.  It was a lot of cotton!!!  You just have to laugh sometimes to keep from crying!!!

A few days later I was sharing my sickly woes with my aunt as we sat in the hair salon.  She did laugh until she cried when I told her about how ridiculous I looked, and yet everyone was afraid to say anything because of the scowl on my face as I came out of the doctor's office.  I told her about all the one liners thrown around once I broke the ice and laughed at myself. She just doubled over in laughter.  Like me, she was surprised to hear my problem seemed to be stemming from sweating when I run. As I complained to her about my problem, I said, "Now, how am I going to prevent sweating while running?"   She said, "Well, you don't have swimmer's ear, you have runner's ear!"  She just cackled as she said it! And there you have it!!!  Could it possibly be a new medical find? One named in the beauty salon of all places.

Well, I'm not sure about the new medical find, but I am beginning to realize there is just no telling what obstacle may come up.  I am still treating the ears, and I have run once without using ear buds. Of course the sweat still pours.  I did not like it. It felt really different, but I am adjusting. It will have to be the new norm for a while.  It can not become an excuse not to get the run done.  Running is just the best metaphor for life.  You never know what the challenge may be, and it may take laughing to keep from crying, but adjust and move on. 

A first happened for my daughter this weekend.  Her first camping trip.  She was ecstatic!!! For years, my husband has had an annual camping trip with a group of his lifelong friends.  He and my oldest son have always made the trip.  In recent years, our youngest son has tagged along as well, but never our daughter.  She felt like she had been asked to join the boy's club.  My husband had even asked me to travel along to make it a big family affair.  The plans were set!!! Then the unexpected happened! I woke up with a terrible ear infection.  I was to be my baby girl's sleep mate on her first camping trip. An ear infection could not disrupt the plan! So I did what any good mother would do.... I had some meds called in, I put on my big girl britches, and I took it for the team! My Daddy likes to say, "you just bow up" so I bowed up!!

I was not such a trooper that I lasted for all the camping activities.  I turned in early and missed out on the late night campfire chat.  After the night's sleep, I told my husband that trying to sleep on a pallet in the back of our SUV, with a raging ear infection, might possibly  have been the hardest thing I had done in a while.  So no, I was not a happy camper for the whole trip.  I did not feel well at times, but I enjoyed being with my family and catching up with our friends.  And our baby girl really enjoyed playing in the creek, chasing after her brothers and the others, s'mores around the campfire and a good game of hide and go seek.

On my way home (alone and leaving early) I felt triumphant that I had suffered through til morning.  I could not wait to make it home, shower, eat and rest.  When the fam came in a few hours later, they found me and the dog cuddled up on the couch. They had stayed longer to float the creek one last time. The children were stinky and wore slap dab out from all the outdoor activity. They (including my husband) found their spot to nap, and they were out in no time flat! As I sat listening to my husband snore from the floor, I glanced over at my youngest son all curled up in the chair, and I thought to myself how nothing about the camping trip was as I imagined. Due to the intrusion of the ear infection I was not the happiest of campers. But you know what??? I have heard it said that happiness is dependent upon happenings or circumstances, but joy takes place inside of you. I rested in complete joy for the remainder of the day as the hard night from before slipped away.

I am searching. Yes, still searching for the answer to why do I feel compelled to blog.  I am a lover of words.  I think that is the simple answer.  I do love words.  I have now posted enough to show I am not great with words, and my use of correct grammar is even worse.  My love for words is a funny thing really.  I use a lot of words, but I am not good with them.  So why blog? Why subject others to my shortcoming? It is because I am a communicator.  Not only do I love words, but I love to communicate with others.  I like to know what others think on a topic.  I love to learn something new and share it with others.  We live in an age of unlimited means of communication.  We are surrounded by words constantly. But, what is the value of what is being said? What is the value of what is being written? Why am I and others sharing our words? 

 One of my favorite things to do is to google song lyrics and their meaning.  I've learned to take what I learn, use it and apply it to what is going on around me.  Music is my modern day poetry.  Lyrics can be one of the best uses of words.  Lyrical words can pack a whole lot of meaning into verses you remember because it is set to music.  I have songs that stick with me and influence what and how I think.  I listen to them over and over in an attempt to grasp their meaning. In my now five blog posts, three have dealt with songs I love.  This post is no different. 

A few weeks ago, a dear friend of mine (who is also a seasoned blogger) tackled the issue of girls and their (at times) apparent lack of modesty in their appearance across messaging and social media. Whoa!! was a fire ignited!!! And to be honest, it struck a nerve with me. It wasn't that I disagreed so much as that I thought the real root of the issue went unaddressed.  I sat back and watched as plenty of folks had lots to say about her post. The overall reaction and my personal feelings is really what convinced me to blog.  And it has taken me this long to be brave enough to post my own thoughts on the topic. 

I will try to explain my feelings with song lyrics.  The Avett Brothers are a current favorite.  They have been for years!!  Their song Ill with Want is what came to mind as I watched the fire storm.  For me the problem is bigger than lack of modesty.  It does not stop with modesty in appearance.  The easiest way for me to illustrate my point is to share discussions I have had with my own children on what they post on social media.  We have all been guilty (self included) of posting pics of something new.  We leave a store, and we are not far down the road before we hear "the click". And I know whatever was just purchased has been posted.  I have said, "don't post that!!" And of course the response is "why not?". My belief is we are ill with want!! We live in a world that screams "LOOK AT ME!" We have selfie Sunday for crying out loud! We want others to see us, what we have and what we do. The chorus of the Avett's song goes like this:

Something has me, oh something has me
Acting like someone I don't wanna be
Something has me, oh something has me
Acting like someone I know isn't me
Ill with want and poisoned by this ugly greed

The next verse is my favorite!! It goes like this:

Temporary is my time, ain't nothing on this world that's mine
Except the will I found to carry on
Free is not your right to choose
It's answering what's asked of you
To give the love you find until it's gone

There is a huge idea packed in that small little verse.  I read a comment online that referenced Galatians 5:13 in relation to the lyrics.  "You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love." (NIV) The Message translates like this, "It is absolutely clear that God called you to a free life.  Just make sure that you don't use this freedom as an excuse to do whatever you want to do and destroy your freedom. Rather, use your freedom to serve one another in love; that's how freedom grows.  For everything we know about God's Word is summed up in a single sentence: Love others as you love yourself. That's an act of true freedom.  If you bite and ravage each other, watch out- in no time at all you will be annihilating each other, and where will your precious freedom be then?" (5:13-15)

So yeah, this lover of words is ill with want, but I am working on it.  And I will continue to challenge my children to work on it as well.  We will be asking ourselves as we posts our pics, "what has got me? Has it got me acting like someone I don't wanna be? How are we using this free life we have been given"? We have to remember that all our worldly stuff (including our looks) will pass away. It is of this world!  It is OK to love yourself, but you have to look past the "ME" and love others! In doing so we are truly free!!! Happy 4th of July y'all!! 

Whew!!! What a busy weekend!! I got in 5 very hot miles on Saturday morning early.  On my way home, I stopped for bo-berry biscuits for the fam.  Yum! Yum!! Now, because our Saturday (like most of our Saturdays) would be non-stop, I came through the door calling for kiddos to rise and shine.  We had an extra sleeping over and she would be the first to get up, and make her way to the breakfast table. This proved to be a rare and sweet treat for me!! My 9 year old niece, Elizabeth, was our guest who joined me for breakfast. A real talker like myself, it did not take her more than a few minutes to get awake and start talking.  Just the two of us sitting and having breakfast.  Now, Elizabeth loves anything to do with horses. She can talk about them nonstop. She talked about all the toy horses she had.  She shared that she had a list of names for her real Black Arabian horse when she finally got it. Since Elizabeth is one of three nieces and two nephews, in addition to the three children I have of my own, the one on one time with her Saturday morning was priceless. It was almost like catching up with an old friend who is so familiar to you ,and yet because of the hectic lives we live, we fail to make time for such simple moments.

I did make some time to research and study up on some verses I had heard last week. In my last blog, I shared a clip from the movie Secretariat.  Not to beat a dead horse (a terrible pun intended), but I wanted to revisit the clip due to the newness of these words to me.  The words are spoken as the sound of the excitement falls silent. They are lines repeated from poetry recited as the movie opens. These are the words: 

More than three thousand years ago a man named Job complained to God about all his troubles and the Bible tell us that God answered. 

Wow!!! I am blown away by these beautiful words strung together so eloquently. These words, found in the Book of Job, are a small part of God's response to Job's pain and suffering.  Job complains, ask questions and wants to know the why of God's ways.  God did not answer Job directly. He used a series of rhetorical questions to illustrate to him how limited Job's knowledge was of God's ways. God wanted Job to recognize and submit to his power and sovereignty. Job's response would be realizing God's ways are best. 

Now, upon hearing the above words spoken, I did not know their meaning. I took  a little time to study them so I could appreciate what they convey. This powerful description of a warhorse is masterfully written.  It conveys its size, beauty and movement.  It exhibits its strength and its fearlessness, its bravery and courage. It also hints at the discipline of the horse, and the dominance of the rider as the animal submits to carry him into battle. Such a good and vivid description, and yet could it really be depicting a presumptuous sinner, someone determined to fulfill his own needs and unafraid of God? Commentary after commentary suggest that it does.  I am a lover of words, a talker, a communicator. I find these words challenging and thought provoking in their meaning.  Phrases like "rejoicing in his strength and charges into the fray" and "In frenzied excitement he eats up the ground" are phrases I want to commit to memory to draw upon when the run gets tough. Just like they are used in Job to describe one thing and mean something else, I will use them in the same manner.  I want these words to fuel my run, being ever mindful of their intended depiction.

Stealing moments to study God's Word (brought to mind in an nontraditional way), or to learn about what is going on with someone precious to you is what can get you through the busiest of a hectic schedule. The time commitment was small and really unplanned, but the benefit was great!

In my last blog post I wrote about some things that inspired me to run.  In the Spring, I ran the Kentucky Derby Mini Marathon in Louisville, KY.  I had been inspired to set this mini as a goal after watching the Disney movie Secretariat. My neighbor, her husband and some friends had run it the previous year, and she had talked about how cool it was to run on the in field at Churchill Downs. It was the push I needed to commit to training for another half marathon. 

I have watched this one particular scene in Disney's Secretariat a thousand times.  Each time, I giggle with excitement and pure joy.  A good feeling just rushes over me.  The horses are racing at Belmont, and Secretariat is running for the Triple Crown.  As he makes the turn for home the music in the background explodes!  You do want to jump from your couch and cheer the unbelievable athlete of a horse to victory even though history has proven that victory is the outcome. Sport's writers have written that Secretariat's road to the Triple Crown is still one of the greatest moments in sports history. Oh! Happy Day is the song that blasts as the horse and rider make the final turn for home in the movie. http://youtu.be/kx533GIKhZU. I encourage you to watch the clip. It will move you!!

Our church service closed on Sunday with a spin off version of Oh! Happy Day.  Of course, it reminded me of this favorite movie clip.  It also reminded me of mile eight on the KDF mini route I ran in the Spring.  As we made our way around the in field at Churchill Downs it was the original version of Oh! Happy Day playing through my ear buds.  A goal reached! An item crossed off the bucket list!!

Sunday's service also taught me something new about something else familiar to me.  The pastor spoke on Hebrews 12.  My first blog post shared this scripture: "... let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith.  The ... that I omitted from my first post was the focus of this passage for our pastor.  It reads "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us....". He talked about what he imagined as he read about being surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses.  His mental image was that of a runner running in a great arena or stadium as spectators looked on.  In all honesty, I always skipped that part of the scripture passage.  But, as he spoke and shared his thoughts, I related them to my own experience.

I thought back to my race in Louisville. The mini was only my second half to complete.  It was my first thousands of runners race.  It was also my first thousands upon thousands of spectators along the course. All the folks cheering really added to the whole race experience.  There were so many encouraging and hilarious signs to read. I think my favorites were, "run random stranger run", "run like you stole something" and of course "toenails are for sissies".  (I relate to the last one on a personal level having lost two nails since the finish.) There was constant upbeat music playing. The diversity of the people groups there to witness our running was something I did not expect.  We had everything from church groups, to frat boys, to nursing home residents waiting to clap, cheer and show their support.  So yeah, I get  the "great cloud of witnesses" part now.

I ran late Sunday night and had all of this on my mind.  I stopped and found Oh! Happy Day on my iPod. As I listened, I made a mental note to watch the clip from Secretariat yet again.  As I watched with fresh eyes and with the mind set of "great cloud of witnesses", I noticed all the cutting away from the horses and the track back to those who were there to watch this great victory. Their reaction to the win is nothing short of complete jubilation. The jubilation of the spectators spurs the runners on to the finish line. Oh! Happy Day indeed!!!!

Some runs are harder than others.  It always feel great to finish a run that has been a battle from before the first step.  I had such a run over the weekend.  My clock was set for an early (before 6 AM) run.  I woke up, but could not will myself out of bed. I decided to wait and run later in the afternoon with my older brother.  I sent him a text telling him of my plans.  He texted back about 30 minutes later saying he was just finishing his run. Yay!!! good for him, but that wrecked my co-dependent running plans for the day.  What to do now? It was to be a tough 3.7 mile afternoon run.  About mile 2 is when the "why am I doing this?"  started to creep into my head.  The thoughts of "I didn't want to do this today, it sure is hot out here, my legs are hurting, my breathing is not right, I should probably walk some" are mounting when the head fights back with "motivate the mind, one step at a time, motivate the mind, just one foot in front of the other,  motivate the mind.....

Yes, motivate the mind; the body will follow is a favorite mantra of mine. But how do you motivate the mind run after run? On this particular day from the word "jump" it was going to be a difficult run. I woke up with the wrong mind set. At the mile 2 mark when I asked myself, "why am I doing this?" I thought back to the beginning. My first memory of wanting to run was after hearing an essay read aloud in my high school English class. Our teacher was a runner, and she demonstrated to us how to write a descriptive essay by writing about why she loved to run.  I remember having this feeling of wanting to do something I had never desired to do before.....run. The essay was quiet compelling. It made her love for running contagious.  So I think about how I felt hearing her words when I want to quit.  I also think about when I first started running years ago.  I took a walk/jog/run class in college.  I signed up with a friend, and we were going to be walkers for an easy, effortless A.  My big brother had the same class at a different time that semester.  He ratted me out to our instructor by telling her I ran with him sometimes.  Armed with this new information, she informed me that I was a runner or at least a combo for her class. I think about her believing I could be a runner.  I also think about running with my brother during that time.  He had played collegiate ball, and he was in shape.  We would start out together, but in no time he would pull away, and I would be chasing him.  We would run from our house across the creek and down in front of the ruins of an old plantation home. To the day, as I chase him, I am reminded that he is jedi master of the mind game. There is no one more mentally strong during a run.  When we run together now he beats me because I succumb to the mental struggle. He will say to me "you got to be tough." 



The  almost 4 mile afternoon run was tough, but I proved to be tougher by motivating my mind and changing my focus.  After dreading it all day I got out there and ran it by myself.  But was I really out there all alone? No. This run proved to be like all the others.  You are always running with who or what inspired you.


 

OK.  Here it goes. My blog. After years of thinking about it, and saying I was going to start a blog I am finally taking the plunge.  So as I fly by the seat of my pants here and search for what my blog is to be, I'll start with why title my blog Running to Stand Still?  If you are cool enough to recognize it as the title to a song, then you may get it.  For all others I will explain:  Running to Stand Still is a U2 song released in 1987.  The title came from a phrase Bono's brother used when Bono asked about his brother's struggling business. His response was "it's like running to stand still". It is well documented that Bono, unfamiliar with the phrase, thought the saying described the  heroin epidemic that was going in Dublin at the time. Like any great song, it's meaning is multi-layered. I have no experience with drug addiction, but I relate to the description because of the similarities of what our life is like at times.  In a word: chaos. A beautiful mess if you will. The meaning of the idiom has been defined as a person struggling to keep up with the patterns or course their life is taking.  Yep! That is me, a wife and a mom of three very social and active kids just trying to keep up with it all. It is my current struggle. Four years ago, I went back to work full time and I don't think I have been "caught up" on housework or laundry since.  As moms we do juggle so many different areas. And how much time do we spend beating ourselves up because we feel like no one area is done to perfection? Although I started running for fitness and a way to loose some weight, I was surprised to discover how it awoke my mind, settled my spirit and wiped away the stress and feelings of imperfection. There is scripture that reads ".... let us throw off everything that hinders.... and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us". Running for me does just that, it throws off everything that hinders me(i.e. the endless schedules, the unrelenting rat race, the stuff that goes undone or is never caught up to my liking, the dealing with meltdowns and bad moods, refereeing the fussing and fighting and aggravating one another among the kiddos, the "what's for supper?", the "Let's go! We are going to be late!"). I am no great or perfect runner. I am slow and I take walk breaks. But I always persevere. I always finish feeling renewed and re-energized.

I have written this blog post in my head hundreds of times on run after run. My favorite version of Running to Stand Still is a live recording from Dublin in 1993. In this version, after the last lyrical "running to stand still" is sung there is a drum beat, and dramatic pause before Bono starts belting "halle, halle hallelujah" over and over. Every time, without fail, this rendition almost stops me in my tracks because of the visual it paints for me.  Again, scripture reads ".... fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter  of faith." We are all running.  You are either running from something or to something.  Yes, my vision is what I am forever running to, and when I get there I will stand still singing "Hallelujah!" for forevermore because whatever our chaos, whatever our struggle, whatever our imperfections it is all pale in comparison to the Light of the world.