For weeks now, on every run, I felt like I was writing my next blog post. But, I never sat down to type it out.  I thought of all sorts of titles and all kinds of ways to go about writing the same post.  The original idea formulated during a mid week run.  It was an early run. (Rare for me during the week) I felt great afterwards.  As I cooled down to stretch "Today" by the Smashing Pumpkins was playing through the ear buds. "Today is the greatest day I've ever known...." It struck me how perfect the song seemed to match how I was feeling in the moment.  Of course, I would make a mental note to Google the meaning of the song. (It is a habit or a hobby.) The music is catchy, almost uplifting while the lyrics are haunting.  The great feeling of that run would not last. The next runs would prove to be tough.  Monday (a few days later) would find me discouraged.  I shared my frustration with a fellow runner.  I received a text of encouragement from her, along with the above picture.  After reading it, the haunting lyrics from the Pumpkins would come to me again.  When I had  googled the lyrics I found this quote from the lead singer, "I reached a point in my life where I felt like I was living through some old character. It's like you assume some character and you take that as far as it can go and then it doesn't work anymore, so you shed your skin.... I had to kill off one part of me so that I could go on...." 

What part of me would I "kill off" so I could "go on"? I decided it had to be the whiner, the complainer, the negative self that was on repeat saying, "this is too hard, you are really not that good at this. Maybe you should just quit." Now this did not mean that I was done with my complaints to others about how bad I thought the running was going.  There seemed to be plenty of that, but I wasn't going to let it be the reason I did not get back out there. So the complainer and the whiner got back out there to get the run done.  It was a little over a week later when I headed out for a run I had dreaded all day. As I started my warm up I turned to my U2 channel on Pandora. As the song started playing I could not believe what I was hearing. "40". Just one of my favorite U2 songs ever.... and it was playing on the radio! (well, Pandora). The timing of it could not have been more perfect.  I just had to laugh out loud, with unspeakable joy really!  Allow me to share the lyrics:

I waited patiently for the Lord
He inclined and heard my cry
He brought me up out of the pit
Out of the miry clay

 I will sing, sing a new song
I will sing, sing a new 
song
 How long to sing this song?
How long to sing this song?
  How long, how long, how long
How long to sing this song?

 He set my feet upon a rock
And made my footsteps firm
 Many will see
Many will see and fear

 I will sing, sing a new song
I will sing, sing a new 
song
I will sing, sing a new song
I will sing, sing a new song
 How long to sing this song?
How long to sing this song?
  How long, how long, how long
How long to sing this song?

Why did this perfection bring such joy? It was exactly what I needed to hear.  It was like in that moment it had been ordered up just for me.  For days and days I had struggled, complained and really contemplated (well, not really) hanging up my running shoes.  I had been wallowing in such a "pit" of discouragement that I was focused on nothing else. I was really making myself get out there to get the run done when I was reminded, through this song from my favorite band, that we are brought out of the pit and given a new song.  U2 titled this song as "40" because the words are not original.  They are words from the 40th Psalm.

As a child of the 80s I played a video game called Pitfall. I don't remember a whole lot about the game other than it was graphically much, much more simple than anything my children play today.  I do remember there was a guy who ran through the jungle jumping over all kinds of things, including pits.  While working on this blog post (over the course of several weeks) my mind kept seeing the ebbs and flows of how the running was going as that childhood video game. The ups and downs. The great run, followed by not so great run leading to discouragement, followed by the forced run that would receive confirmation as to why I always get back out there... the new song is sung by the "new me" who is only known best by the "old me". This "new me" has all this valuable knowledge from what the "old me" has learned.  So yeah, it is a kind of shedding of skin or killing off of some part that is no longer beneficial, but it is never game over. The footsteps are made firm, so start again and leave "old me" behind.

Over the course of the last few weeks, we (as a country) have witnessed a rare phenomenon all over social media. The ice bucket challenge for ALS.   I first started seeing the ice bucket challenge on Facebook.  My husband talked about seeing videos of the various challenges on Twitter.  My Dad (who is not on social media) even received the challenge via text from his brother.  It was really sweeping across the nation.  All of these people were willing to dump a bucket of ice water over their head to raise awareness for ALS, a terrible debilitating disease that ends in a slow and painful death.  They were also willing to give of their money.  I read one report that stated  the ALS Foundation had collected $75 million dollars in donations to date, up $1.9 million from what was received last year over the same period. I found those numbers impressive and almost hard to believe. Now as we entered into the second and third week of these challenges there were those who were deviating a little from the original challenge.  They may have still been willing to suffer through the bucket of ice, but they were giving their money to causes that were personal to them.  One of my best friends posted a video of her son taking the ice bucket challenge for their family and shared they would be donating to the American Cancer Society in memory of her Dad. Another friend declined the challenge, but encouraged others to read about the Phoenix Society for Burn Survivors which was dear to her because of the burns she herself had lived through. She also said this, "Benevolence is good folks, But it's okay to give where your heart leads you."  Oh my!!! how I love this!!! GIVE where your heart leads you!

When I was a stay at home Mom back a few years ago the kids and I enjoyed watching Dora.  She taught us all to think about and share a favorite part of something.  My favorite part of the ice bucket challenges has been the spirit of giving!!! And it is not even Christmas time!! So when I was challenged by my oldest niece I started contemplating how I would accept the challenge. Now my two oldest children had accepted the challenge from friends in support of ALS. It gave me a great opportunity to explain to them what ALS is, and how people are affected by it. After watching them gasp for breath (as I doubled over in laughter) I decided the ice bucket was not for me!! But I liked the idea of our giving hurting a little. 

I know I am a little different, and I do think differently than most.  I seem to draw connections among things when others don't.  For example, all this talk of ice made me think of one of my favorite commercials.  Please click on the following link: http://vimeo.com/41783340  It is the second part that I most enjoy.  No matter what movie I go to see I always look forward to the clinking ice and the pouring soda.  I have often said I do not know what it is like to struggle with addiction, but that statement is just not true.  I am a soda feen!!!  I can hear the "pop" of a soda can and my mouth will  water.  Dr. Pepper and Coke are my favorites, but I will not discriminate. I really like most flavors of carbonation.  Certain foods just beg for a soda to drink with them. I remember drinking a Mountain Dew on a very hot summer day after softball practice one time when I was a kid.  I don't think I had ever had anything taste so good and refreshing.

But sadly I am not a kid anymore. And soda is really not good for me.  There are all kinds of lists out there as to why soda is so unhealthy.  Several years ago, I quit them cold turkey. I decided I just could not justify the calories they contained.  I started eating a lot healthier, and I lost close to 25 lbs.  My reward.... drinking one soda a day. (Crazy, I know!!)  I would start my day with a Dr. Pepper every morning.  I told myself it was my coffee.  Well, my one in the morning turned into drinking them more often.  My healthy eating was suffering and the weight was slowly creeping back up.  I needed an intervention.

As all the ice bucket challenges were being posted from all over I was struggling once again to quit cold turkey.  So in my head it makes sense to me for my ice bucket challenge to be no more soda drinking!!!  I will make my donation to Donate Life in honor of my godson, and the family who made a life changing decision for him in their darkest of days. Every time I crave a soda  may I be reminded of the Mom who in the midst of her pain and loss decided to give so another could live. Wow!!! To remember such amazing strength is humbling in any challenge I may face. 

I'm a real social person with lots of friends.  I have my friends I'm related to as family.  I have my friends I have known since childhood. I have my friends from college and places I have worked. I have church friends.  I have friends who are fellow runners.  I have friends who are friends because our children were friends first. And I have friends who are friends because our parents were friends first. My friend, Michelle, is an example of a friend from the last group.  I like to say to folks, "we've been friends since the cradle." When we were just toddling our moms would get together and do their ironing (now that sounds like a blast!!) Michelle was my first friend who had to move away. We were pen pals during her time in Kansas.  I remember the day (fourth grade I think) she moved home just as well as the day she moved away.  During our coming years we would suffer through marching band together, we would twirl as majorettes together. We would sleep over at each others' houses. We would talk of boys and school and all things important to teenagers. We even had a time when we didn't talk at all.  Over something so stupid and silly.  Michelle was the first to break our silence and make amends. We would graduate from high school and go our separate ways. Michelle married and moved out to Colorado.  We would periodically catch up with one another over the phone. We would try to see each other on their trips home.  Around the first of August in 1997 Michelle called with exciting news.  She was pregnant!! I told her I was recently engaged, and asked her to be a bride's maid. I got married in May of 1998. Michelle made the trip home for my wedding as a new mom by 6 weeks or so. Michelle's new little family would soon make a new home in Yazoo City, Mississippi.  Michelle said it was the armpit of the United States.  I always thought that was so funny! In 2002 we both became Moms to little boys.  Michelle first in March and me in June.  As a second time Mom, she was a pro and  such a wealth of knowledge for me, a first time Mom.  I would add two more children, and our years would become consumed with raising our young families.  Michelle and her family would eventually move within a few hours of home.  We would get together for birthdays, play dates and quick visits whenever time allowed.  I would go back to work full time and Michelle was working and finishing her degree.  We were life long friends who had become very busy Moms. 

As I left work one night my cell phone rang.  It was Michelle.  She had been admitted to the hospital and some tests had revealed a spot on her brain.  She filled me in on the events that had led to her hospital stay and the reason for the scans.  Her doctor was confident the spot (possible tumor) was benign.  The protocol would be to periodically repeat the scans looking for any signs of change.  Months would go by and the scans would be repeated.  There would be calls and text messages with the words, "no change".  And then I got a different call.  The area of concern had more than doubled in size.  There would need to be a biopsy done.  Michelle was facing brain surgery.  The news was unreal to me.  I was immediately gripped with fear. But not Michelle.  We talked about the possible outcomes from this, the best and the worst.  She really had no fear for herself, just concern for family. She would not let this interrupt her life.  She met with her doctors and the surgery was scheduled.  She  shared with them she was determined to recover from her surgery in time to walk at her college graduation the following month.  The surgery was done and all of the growth was removed.  Michelle and her family waited for a week for the results from the biopsy.  I was out shopping when I received the next call.  Stage 4 brain cancer.  Michelle and I cried together over the phone.  The following months would be filled with graduation, radiation and chemo, a trip with her Daddy, and a new job as a social studies teacher.  She would say goodbye to 2012 with these words, "well, 2012 it's almost time to tell you goodbye. I have to tell you that I'm really not sad to see you leave. After all, you tried to kill me! But.... you did not succeed. Instead, my body was able to survive brain surgery, 30 radiation treatments, and 52 chemo treatments, and I'm still going strong. You did give me some good things too, such as: reassurance that I have the BEST family and friends in the world.  An understanding of HOPE and PEACE that I never would have experienced otherwise. So 2012, I guess you weren't so bad . Here's to ya 2012.... and tell your buddy 2013 that this ole girl can take whatever she dishes out and I'm ready!" 

Michelle would begin 2013 with more treatments and infusions all while still teaching school.  She would make plans to participate in a Relay for Life event in May.  She named her team "Conquerors for a Cure" referencing Romans 8:37--- "In all these things we are more than conquerors."  I was more than honored when she asked me to be a part of her team.  My husband and I made the trip over for the event.  A monsoon ensued, and we moved the party to Michelle's house.  I hated the weather cancelled the fundraiser, but I selfishly loved our visit with Michelle and her family.  July would bring an end to all meds and August would deliver a clear MRI!!! How did Michelle celebrate? By going to work (teaching) and living her life.  The scans every few months would continue.  Thankfully, the results would continue to be "all clear".  Well, until a few weeks ago.....

My dear, sweet friend is currently recovering from round 2 with brain surgery and she and her family await biopsy results yet again.  I told my husband on the morning of her surgery how hard it is to think we are getting up starting our day like any other day when she is facing all of this for the second time. Again, no fear for herself and only concern for her family.  Her  Facebook post today ( her first after surgery) included these verses: "Therefore we do not lose heart.   Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.   So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." (2 Corinthians 4:16-17) 

I share my history with my lifelong friend and her story as fuel.  Anyone who runs knows how important fuel is to the long run.  This battle is Michelle's long run.  And I know without a doubt that what fuels her now (and it did before)  is God's Word and the prayers of her faithful family and friends.  Two years ago when Michelle first learned she would be traveling down this road I publicly posted to FB my run for the first time with these words, "been too scared to share not too scared any more. Michelle, you ran with me today Love you my brave friend."  Her bravery fueled me that day and it continues to fuel me and so many others today.  

Our pastor preached today on "He is Coming Back".  The point of his message was (the way I heard it) what is fueling you?  We as Christians know He will come again.  And when  that day comes what will really matter to you.  Will it be that grudge you have held on to, or those hurt feelings? Will it be your job, your home or your stuff? Will it be the pettiness of life that distracts you from the newness of each day?  How would your attitude change if faced with finite days? 

When Michelle called me two years and we cried together we did not know what days were ahead for her.  She had just learned she had stage 4 brain cancer.  In those moments I told her I felt helpless and I wished there was something I could do.  I wished we lived closer so I could do for her and her family.  She told me she knew if we lived closer I would be doing all kinds of things for her, but she wanted me to know that she did have the most amazing friends who did live close who were taking care of her and her family.  She offered comfort to me.  She was to one facing the tough road and yet she was comforting me!!! I can tell you what fuels my friend Michelle, it is love for others.  No fear for herself and only concern and love for others.  

Please pray for my friend Michelle and her family.  I can guarantee you she is doing the same for you!!!!  Prayer and love for others is fuel!